There's only one thing worth dying for.

Turn Another Page

noreply@blogger.com (Mike) — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 05:30:00 +0000

I have things I wish I could explain to you. I wish you could understand them the way I want you to, but there are no words that I can attach to describe how I feel and how I've felt.

But I did my very best to decide what you mean to me, not what you've meant to me. I owe you more than you'll ever realize. You were everything I wasn't and wanted to be. You mean more to me than a girl I kissed in the past, you were more than a person to me, you were an inspiration and I'll never be as good as you are. I'm not sad that I didn't talk to you anymore, I don't regret the decision, I regret not doing it sooner, not giving you the chance to wreck everything great I thought about you. True or not.

I loved you for you and for everything you inspired within me. But you don't do that for me anymore, all I have is memory with you and you have nothing but the same with me. Though they may differ, that's the way it's going to stay because I don't want to be with you and I don't want you to mean anything less. You are the reason I am where I am and the fact that I'm going to be happy with where the next turn my life is going to take me in.

It's going to be her arms, I don't want it any other way and I don't see/have a place for you in my life anymore. Nor do you for me.

And I wouldn't want it any other way. I hope you find what you're looking for.

Blah

noreply@blogger.com (Mike) — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 21:05:00 +0000

I've been feeling terrible as of late. It's not due to a lack of sleep though. I've probably slept more this weekend than I've been awake. If sleeping were a job I'm sure I'd be promoted soon.

School's boring. I liked it better when it was hella busy and I had no free time. Now I have too much, memories start to creep back into my head and it's nothing I want to remember and I'd gladly pay to forget.

It's entirely too bad you can't decide which memories a heavy night of drinking will erase.

I feel like I don't want to be here.

I'm going to start the audioblog on fridays for the semester. I don't know if I'm going to keep it as a staple or not. Depends on which asshole wants to make fun of my accent each week.......

Oh, and still, nothing I ever do goes as smoothly as it should.

Eerie Coincidence?

noreply@blogger.com (Mike) — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 18:56:00 +0000

That it just so happens that the Republican National Convention is on tonight. I'd really like to hear what McCain wants to do with the 4 years he'd be in office. I think he'd be much more capable and live up to true Republican beliefs unlike Bush-43. But then I'm reminded what he thinks on social issues and I see him challenging Roe V Wade and probably getting the senate into a hubbub when we have bigger fish to fry other than tweens making babies.

Then there's a two hour episode of Burn Notice. Which is probably the best show on cable television everrr. I mean, who else can come up with such a cool spy television show? Michael Weston > James Bond.

Then, last but not least, the NFL season kicks off with the defending Super Bowl Champion New York Giants taking on the Washington Redskins and I'm only too sure that I'm going to be leaving my night class early to catch kickoff. Because as soon as the class I TA for was over, the button down came off and the Manning Jersey came on.

Which is weird in itself because I bought at Peyton Manning jersey in 2002 and now I have his little brother's jersey too. I only brought the Eli jersey as to not get labeled a phony or a band wagoner. I've loved the Giants since their "easily want to forget" days of Dan Reeves.

I'm sure I'm boring you with all of this, but I bought some stuff online last night and I'm thinking about buying a new computer case because the one I have now just isn't cutting the heat that's in this room. My stuff is idling at close to 50 degrees, not cool.

Pull You Closer

noreply@blogger.com (Mike) — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 18:05:00 +0000

It might just be the sappy Italian in me, but all I want is that feeling back.

Like maybe there's something and someone out there that's going to make getting up and giving a shit not seem like a stretch of the imagination. But then again, I do recall what's come of every time I did feel that way.

Yes, I have fear of abandonment. I went to kindergarten and I cried, it was just strange. I was scared, I don't know why, I had been going to a day care before that so it wasn't new seeing my mom drop me off and leave. But I cried anyway.

I haven't let more than 2 people in my entire life get close to me. Into that area where I can tell them what I really think about life and where I've come from and the thoughts that have prolonged my existence.
Both of those situations have turned out exactly the same.

I feel that the person I've been able to confide in ever since the tragedy that was the end of my high school career is no longer a person who understands who I am or what I want to become.

So I feel like the highway that is my head is closed down. I'm intolerant again. Not just of stupidity, but of the people that cry for help, the people that abuse, the people that use. Because that's all helping can really be, a vehicle to get used until you're not needed anymore.

Anyway, all I want is to be happy again. I think I can be, for the first time ever I feel I deserve it. I do owe and am thankful for it.

But then again I do recall how expecting life to be shitty and it turning out to be so would be more fun and expected so I could make the best of it. Now it just fucking sucks, like always, but now my perspective is different.

And the people who look at it differently are still stupid, I'm still good at everything that I do. I'm still only right about people when it comes to the bad things. I can still make people laugh, whether it's at me or at life makes no real difference. A smile is a smile and it's worth giving someone a better day.

But as I've said, there's no real way back in, I am not a forgiving person like that. You can cross me and I can let it go, but when you're in my head and don't like what you see, there's no forgiveness for that. You truly don't like who I am on the inside, then that is where you need to stand.

Accountability for who you are and what you think is something that I only see out of maybe two or three people I've known in my life. Those are the people that I admire, those are the people that I want to associate myself with. The people who never have to say sorry, the people who say and do what they want, when they want to because that is the only real way to live life without regret.

I'm not sure where I'm going with all this, but all I do know is that the paths to my head and heart is easily navigated when you're delivering pizza.

The WMDs - World of Situations

So This Is My Habitat

noreply@blogger.com (Mike) — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 01:30:00 +0000

For the past year and the next few months. Photoblog style, because it's really the only type of blogging I haven't really done. I know I've tossed photos in, but not like this. So here we go, keep clicking on the pictures until you wind up back here!

Well, there you have it. It's my slice of pie until further notice...

Flash Me Journalism

noreply@blogger.com (Mike) — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 21:42:00 +0000

No, it's not porn.

I know, I'm disappointed too. But at least it's only a once a week class. Putting together flash projects for websites and blahdy blah. There's only 8 people in the class, so no sleeping/shenanigans. I'm bummed out too.

I have an essay due Tuesday that I think I'm going to put off while I'm doing nothing this weekend. Maybe I'll sober up a little, have some coffee, take a few photos. Yeah that's it, I remember a time when there were photos on the blog... not so much anymore... I'll get on that then.

And while all you fools are enjoying your Labor Day extended weekend,

Monday, September 1: Labor Day (classes in session)

So unfair. I wonder how many other state schools are in session. I can only guess it's in single digits across the nation.

Keeping with the shittiness theme: I didn't go to my Advertising class today, why? Because we're done with a week of classes and the guy's still talking about the syllabus. Seriously, it's 3 pages, I'm pretty fucking sure that, as college students, all of us have the power of reading movable type.

Then again... grading papers and coming across words like "telivision" and "polatitions" only makes that whole "pro-choice" argument seem smarter.

P.S. Photo essay coming soon!

Great Start

noreply@blogger.com (Mike) — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 17:35:00 +0000

So the semester's starting. My room's cramped, three beds, no bunk.

But it should be fun, beer in the fridge, we're going to try and get permission to have a BBQ on the back deck. Let the beer flow like fine wine!!

But what pisses me off, is that they don't even serve my favorite breakfast food anymore. Mango Rockstar. Jerkwads have every energy drink known to man in that store, except the one flavor I adore. Cocksuckers, I'm going to have to order it in bulk online and just store it under my bed.

Anywho, my Media and Popular Culture class is going to turn me into a raving lunatic. The class talked about Hanna Montana for two grueling, head banging on wall, hours. I just sat there listening to the stupidity that spewed from peoples' gums and every time I raised my hand to interject a bit of common sense, the person talking before me would just say something so stupid that I lost my thoughts.

I feel dumber for being in that class.

My advertising class probably won't be half bad, because only about half of that Pop Culture class is in it. Which they still ended up talking about Hanna Montana again today while the long winded prof is trying to tell us what the class is going to be like. Yadda Yadda Yadda, it's gonna be a long hour class.

Oh and there's this kid who wore a shirt on Monday with a bunch of Fender guitars on it. Stratocasters, Telecasters, Precision and Jazz Bass Guitars, I thought to myself, pretty sweet shirt. Though I wouldn't verbalize it to the guy, he needed a shower, a diet and a razor. Anywho, he came in wearing the same exact shit and I promptly moved myself away from what I can only assume is some 3+ days without a shower.

I hope my audio class this year, though supposedly tougher, isn't going to be more work than it was last year. That coupled with the TV production class almost killed me last time around.

How's things going on your end of the school spectrum?

noreply@blogger.com (Mike) — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 04:41:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (Mike) — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 01:17:00 +0000

Alys- Never. Drinking. Again. says:

anyway ever since my parents upped my rent she's been harassing me to just move out, and while I'm thinking about it I'd like to be able to make that decision on my own and not have her harping on me constantly about it, saying things like "Q and I think..." or "so I was talking to Q about what's going on with you..."

Michael | Back 2 School says:
tell her you don't care what she thinks on the topic be honest

Alys- Never. Drinking. Again. says:
I have! on several occasions about different things I've told her that I don't appreciate her input, but she won't stfu

Michael | Back 2 School says:
lmao get a whiffle ball bat

Alys- Never. Drinking. Again. says:
haha I should

Michael | Back 2 School says:
line up her head like you're going to wail on her, reach back like you're to going hit her, and hit her upside the head until she either stops, or she's cross eyed

Alys- Never. Drinking. Again. says:
hehe

Michael | Back 2 School says:
i'd prefer cross eyed but that's me

Alys- Never. Drinking. Again. says:
she used to be cross-eyed as a kid

Michael | Back 2 School says:
OMG

Alys- Never. Drinking. Again. says:
she had to have special glasses that set her eyes straight

Michael | Back 2 School says:
BONUS POINTS

Alys- Never. Drinking. Again. says:
hahahahaha

Michael | Back 2 School says:
LOL

Michael | Back 2 School says:
OMG BLOG POSTING THIS

Alys- Never. Drinking. Again. says:
SWEET

Roadtrippin'

noreply@blogger.com (Mike) — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 16:24:00 +0000

So this is probably the last post ever from the confines of the basement. I hope it is, but something will go horribly wrong to make sure that it's not.

I was debating posting some photos, how I do every year whenever I get all my stuff packed up to show how desolate the surroundings really are.

But I'd rather watch the grass grow right now.

That and enjoy the internet not sucking. I'm going to cry if all the crap I put into my computer is for nothing because the school internet still blows. Which it will.

I've debated not taking my bass with me, but I know as soon as I decide to leave it, there will be some hot opportunity to play in a band that I have to turn down because I don't have my shit.

Then there's all the computer stuff, which, really, weighs a ton. Then the mini-fridge and my trunk full of wardrobe. I'm skimping out this year, I'm bringing my suits and the bunch of ties that I've since bought and learned how to tie correctly!! Thanks Shaz, if it wasn't for your constant ridicule I wouldn't be the suave, professional looking executive success that I am now.

But anywho, I've spent some $100 on computer parts that don't work with the stuff I have. The first one was my bad, the second, is just, fuck them. The thing's incompatible because it's made by a different company. Those Mac vs PC commercials are kicking me in the groin right now.

But I still contend that my computer beats the snot out of any Mac performance wise, coolness to stare at wise and expense wise as well.

So, if I make it back to school without killing the old folks on the way up (or the roommates because I am NOT getting top bunk again) I'll probably take the camera out for a walk and get some photos of how gorgeous the Saranac River is this time of year.

Love,
Mike

Gamble

noreply@blogger.com (Mike) — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 19:56:00 +0000

It seems so long ago that honesty was a political policy.

But people are acting like it is a foregone conclusion that Barack Obama has this election in the bag. But the fact that he refuses to discuss his own religion, is wavering on his stance of no drilling offshore to... maybe, only hurts his chances.

When he was asked what he would do about evil, he said we needed to be humble and we'd have to wisely pick and choose where and when to fight it if it is our fight at all.
To maybe remember that it is human nature for us to look at ourselves as the good guys, the heroes, the saviors of people who want the democratic freedom we have. Maybe we're not the answer to those peoples' prayers.

So, when John McCain was then asked the same question his reply was two words and a fist pump long, "Defeat it." And everyone in that church went into a fervor into how McCain's answer.

Completely proving the uselessness of the general public and how our forefathers were right in making sure the people don't actually vote for the United States President. People are too stupid to control the election of the executive.

Confidence cannot be under-estimated in a candidate's allotted time. While Obama looked and responded in a very well measured, humble, thoughtful way. McCain didn't have to hesitate for the second that it took Obama to rationalize the question.

But it gets me to thinking about John McCain circa 2000, when he was a rogue in the Senate and how he said and acted on what he believed. How it was so Reagan-esque I used to like the guy. While Reagan was not the best president ever, he did many useful things with his 8 years in office and helped end the cold war, grow the economy and give a pot smoking Mr. Universe, action movie star a dream. But hey, if Reagan could make the jump from Hollywood to D.C. I wouldn't put it past Arny.

Besides, is there really any better re-election slogan than "I'll be back"? I don't think so.

But I digress. The point of this post is not to make fun of pop stars who've turned their life into something of real meaning (hope you're taking notes Paris.) My point is ammunition for Barack to fight back McCain's shitty ads comparing him to Paris and Britney. Go head, bring up the greatest Republican President in the past half century was a pop icon himself! DO IT COME ON I'M BEGGING YOU!!

So even though it won't happen. I'm deathly afraid of this version of McCain entering the White House. If all this stay 100 years in Iraq bullshit is just a ploy, great. Because I think McCain is more of a minimalist when it comes to government interaction with the masses. Which is what this country is in desperate need of, less government more free range to let capitalism work! Less taxes means more spending money, it's not a hard concept. But what Bush's administration did was cut taxes while trying to fund a war. Dumbest idea ever. It's bad policy. Let's lower the minimum wage but raise the dollar menu to $2. Stupid idea.

But while caught in that stupid idea they decide to bribe the public, $600 for everyone!! Nobody will remember no weapons of mass destruction, no medicare or medicaid reforms, social security is still in deep shit. But nobody's talking about it, we're too busy picketing to save fetuses. Bring more people into an underpriviledged world so they can have no chance at the American Dream of getting out of the gutter.

It makes me sick sometimes.

We're Running Again

noreply@blogger.com (Mike) — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 07:23:00 +0000

School starts in less than a week. I feel like I'm detached from everything and one that once meant something to me.

I've been downloading a ton of stand up comedy just to keep myself laughing until this malaise that I'm actually in subsides without me noticing.

But yes, I've missed a lot of people who used to be bigger parts of my life. No, I don't think I'm going to see many of them again. And to those that I do try to be around do hold a special place in my head.

I don't want to get this semester started, I can't wait to finish it. I can't wait to be done with school. I can't wait to have the chance to do something meaningful though. So I'm going to put myself back out there.

I'm deserving of a life that's better than this. I'm going to go get it.

Sweetless

noreply@blogger.com (Mike) — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 04:06:00 +0000

I know I've been at this whole internet chronicling of my life for all too long.

I know I've been pessimistic, brash, impulsive, and sometimes inconsiderate.

But I wish I had started this before what was then my life was torn apart.

I wish I could have had the chance to show off how happy and fulfilling my days were as a teenager. How I didn't despise working for minimum wage at a banquet hall washing dishes.

Or my piece of shit car (gas was only like $1.30) or playing on a shitty baseball team.

I didn't hate myself. I hated everyone else. It was a time when I didn't let anyone get close to me, not because I was scared of putting myself out there, I honestly just didn't like anyone.

So, even though my perspective has changed on who I hate, my attitude hasn't varied too much over the years.

But even through that I managed to trust one person and it was an entirely new experience for me and I never intended to get romantically involved with her. I told myself every day before school that I'm nothing more than friend material. I said that every time I got ready to go out on a date with her.

I honestly can say that we were into double digits of movies/dinner/hanging out before I tried to hold her hand or even kiss her.
I don't hold an ounce of shame for what I did or how it happened.

But those were amazing days and nights. Fun.

She was my best friend. It was like hanging out with the person I knew I was destined to feel this way about. So when I finally realized we had been dating for long enough without me doing anything remotely romantic/nice I gave her some of the things that meant most to me, did some of the things that meant the most to me, and I'm glad I got to know that they're still there for her too.

Yeah I was devastated when we broke up. Yes, I knew she was dating another guy for months, without telling me, but that still didn't stop me from being crushed about it when she finally broke it.

But I've never been able to think of a bad memory with her. Even the day we broke up holds a bunch of great memories. I still don't know why she did. I still don't understand why she was scared. My feelings didn't change even after we stopped talking. But I had faith that she'd always do what's best.

Hearing that problems don't only come looking for me, I feel guilty I wasn't there. I am. It was my choice and if I had to make it again I don't know if it would've been better for either of us if I was still around.

But since then I've moved on. I haven't forgotten. I just don't know how to let the feelings die. I hate that I can make her cry. Almost as much as I hate being able to make her smile. But a big piece of me died with her. A big piece of me died all over again. She's never been able to avoid getting that side of me.

Sometimes, it's just nice to know that side of me still exists. This summer has definitely been one of those times.

Thank you for being nothing but beautiful to me. I guess that's why it hurt so bad without you.

The Weather

noreply@blogger.com (Mike) — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 21:13:00 +0000

Yeah, I got pelted

This Just In

noreply@blogger.com (Mike) — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 21:08:00 +0000

The internet blows ass.

I don't know why stupid shit always seems to happen to me, but this is very reminiscent of Oakville.

So we've moved on from hotels to E(vil) Bay and Paypal.

Yes, Paypal, the site that wouldn't verify my bank account for 2 FUCKING YEARS.

So I had an account but couldn't really use it for shit because they were assholes about it. But since, things have sped out of control since then.

I've been chipping off stuff that I don't need on the Bay in order to limit the stuff that I bring back to school with me.

I happen to be living in the same room again... and again it's a triple.... I was trying to get out of living there but somebody didn't call on my behalf to get things sorted out. I won't use names.

But anyway, this guy I sold X product to, isn't happy with it, so he wants a refund. I say A-Okay, I give him the price of X back without the shipping cost. I tell him when I get it back he'll get the rest of his money.

Well anyway he puts in a dispute for the full price of $85. So Paypal being the douchebags they are, tell me he's getting all of his money back on top of the $75 I already gave to him to send it back.

I gave him the refund 3 weeks ago, I still don't have it. So now I have to wait another 2 weeks for him to not respond until I can get just the $85 back. I can only imagine the hoop I'm going to have to jump through to get the other $75 back from this clown.

So yeah, this stupid stuff happens to me a lot. I'm like flypaper for morons I tell you. I haven't even gotten into the bullshit I'm going through to get a student loan for the year. In order to get it co-signed there's a special "application code" needed... well that's great, but I never got one. Not only that, but I can't edit/adjust/open the application for the loan that I sent in online to FIGURE OUT WHAT THE CODE IS to get it going for school which starts in 2 weeks. Not only that, but the scholarship I applied for back in June, I haven't heard a thing about it since then. So this is just getting better and better. I think my mind's starting to unhinge.

Not to mention all the thunderstorms that have been moving their way through the area every fucking night for the past week are really starting to lose their novelty. 5 AM here shit starts pouring and the sky starts lighting up like it's noon.
You know how there's those 2 different types of thunder? There's the rumbling rolling kind that kinda shakes everything as it reaches you, then there's the type that sounds like a whip crack and a tree just got split in half.

Well this morning it was 3 straight hours of the latter, you'd think you'd get used to it after the first few reach your eardrums and then you'd be able to just tune it out, but no. They got closer in proximity and timing. It sounded like there was a bombing going on a few miles away.

Fun way to start the morning. Oh and now my stepdad's out mowing the lawn... after a solid 6 hours of rain and thunderstorms... I refuse to do it because I'm probably going to have to do it again tomorrow because the thing's not gonna cut wet grass.

But anyway he's going to have something to piss and moan about for the next week to me about so, I'm fully braced to hear how lazy/dumb/stupid I am.

Gonna be a fun couple weeks.

Choke Hole

noreply@blogger.com (Mike) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 18:29:00 +0000

So right now my mom's watching some terrible television show about haunted occurrences called "A Haunting" on the Travel Channel.

Seriously, this is the worst television show I've ever watched. Sorry MTV and sorry Flava Flav, but this is beyond terrible. At least on those shows, when bitches tangle and guys break out into a scuffle, it's real. This, is just absurdly bad acting, story telling, and I think I've heard every bad sound effect ever used in horror flicks dating back to the 1940s.

The Wilhelm Scream is grossly overused and there's NO reason for it in this episode either. Nobody falls, nobody dies, nothing really happens, it's just... there.

Yeah this is the stuff I'm probably going to start doing pretty soon.

I love watching that video. It's nerdy enough for me to love it.

I really really want this tie. I've gone with the decision to wear a tie to every class that I'm TAing. I don't know why, but I just think it'll be goofily(goophilee?) fun. And that includes the days I wear novelty shirts and short sleeves. I had a teacher in high school who had a bunch of novelty ties, one was the classic piano keys, one that looked like a rope, one with a bunch of mathematic formulas on it, and one or two others my mind won't let me think of.

So yeah, it's Friday. The weekend, meaningless for me, I kind of like it. It's better than what the weekend meant for me last summer. Working 20+ hours on weekends was never fun.

And I've dug up some local rap circa 2003.

Nosta - The Fast

The worst form of blogging out there

noreply@blogger.com (Mike) — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 22:55:00 +0000

Is the blogs mothers set up for their INFANT children and do nothing but gawk and say, "Jimmie shit his pants today and it was green!"

or

"Tabitha rolled over today and drooled on her teddy bear because she's teething. Next week we'll see if she can learn to not puke all the nutritionally disgusting baby food we give her."

GOD DAMN IT I USED TO BE PRO CHOICE BUT IT'S GETTING TO BE AN ANNOYINGLY THIN LINE.

So anywho, I got my new headset which means microphone capability. I may start audio-blogging again. Yeah, how many of you were around for those days? All 2 of you?

Yeah and some nutjob decided build their own Batman Tumbler Tank. I doubt it has all the bells and whistles that the real one does. Not to mention the terrible gas mileage it has to get just based on weight alone. I wonder if it's 2 passenger only?

Anyway, I went golfing today. I'm impressed with myself. I'm hitting the ball much better as of late. I hit the ball OVER the green on a 310 yard hole, then hit another one 320 en route to beating my own fat headed little brother. Which doesn't happen much surprisingly enough.

P.S. I forgot to bring my camera, I'm such an idiot.

Sensationalism

noreply@blogger.com (Mike) — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 16:29:00 +0000

I hate it.

Especially when the premise for it is wrong.

Like what I guarantee is going to be a shit movie "Swing Vote." You want to know how it's going to be so shitty and I can be so sure of it? Well, here's the premise to the entire movie.

In a remarkable turn-of-events, the result of the presidential election comes down to one man's vote.

Yes, one man's vote determines the presidency. Wow, could it get any more dramatically stupid than that?
Not to mention it's a Kevin Costner movie. Listen, if he's in a movie and it doesn't deal with baseball, it sucks. End of argument.

For those of you (which I'm pretty sure is 99% of you) who don't know how it works in the US of Aholes, the people don't vote for the President. We have what's nicely called the "electoral college" that does the voting.

So yes, we waste countless millions of dollars and our time going to the booths to vote in November thinking that our vote counts in determining who the leader of the "Free World" is going to be.

Yeah that's right, we can vote for everyone except for the president. That's like taking a kid to Hershey Park but saying "no candy" for the whole trip.
So for the Canadian and worldwide contingency that reads this thing, no, we didn't want Bush in the first place. He won in 2000 because the Supreme Court handed it to him. And then in 2004, it was really not a contest. I mean, I publicly aired my distaste for Bush but couldn't bring myself to even want to support John Kerry.

But yes, I do support Barack Obama and not John McCain. I think McCain has done great things in his life, being a prisoner of war, having a sparkling military career after that, and what he's done in Congress, but I just don't see him being able to sleep through the State of the Union speech when he's going to have to be the one giving it...

So vote for Obama if you want, but it's not going to make a lick of difference. I am still amazed that almost the entire world, even those of us who were born and bred in the USA don't know that we don't vote for the president; education severely lacking.

Checklist

noreply@blogger.com (Mike) — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 22:01:00 +0000

So I'm here trying to go through everything that grinds my gears.

But this probably takes the cake.

In a relationship that's just not working out, what makes you women think that saying "it's over" followed by "let's be friends" is a good idea?

So after X amount of months of dating, being intimate, etc etc.

You... "don't have those feelings anymore."

Ah ha. So, being with the same person's gotten that boring? Not what you wanted? Not what you hoped for?

I fail to see how that ends up the other person's fault. If this is the case that you end up coming to (and this post is exclusively geared towards women)(because seriously, have you ever heard a guy say "we're better off just friends"? okay, well the 3 of you who have, he's gay, just so you know) I'd like to re-iterate that it is in no fault to the "friend only" party.

As a person we have respect for (or else why would you want to be friends) we'd be perfectly safe in our skin if you decided to be HONEST with the things you don't like. Seriously, if it's something small and easily fixable, I don't think too many people would object to it.

But no, it's usually not something small, it's usually dealing with something along the lines of "how we make you feel." Some parameters need to be taken into consideration.

1. Nobody can make you feel in a way you don't want to. Or think you don't deserve.
a) Your lack of self confidence is not our fault.
b) It is your responsibility to yourself to not let people make you feel that way.

2. We understand that by proximity we're going to get things taken out on us that we're not responsible for.
a) We won't hold it against you.
b) Don't hold it against us when we do the same thing.

I'll stop there, before my head explodes.

The point is, with men, we don't take well to the idea that the girl we've stopped watching porno to get some real world interaction with is cool and supportive of the idea that we're better off going back to shaking hands with John Thomas and shooting palm rockets to Jenna Jameson and Jennifer Love Hewitt, then say "sorry, just stick around long enough to watch me start dating another guy and then I'll start telling you all about the new relationship I'm in and complain about all of the crap I have to deal with now."

But seriously how about giving a guy a little bit of time to get accustomed to the thought that we're not going to be the one drilling you anymore?

I mean, breaking up is meant to happen WITHOUT sticking around the person you still have feelings for. It just fucks with everyone's head because obviously one person isn't going to be fly with the situation.

So anyway, breaking up doesn't have to be a terrible experience, but realize that people, when they dedicate a certain amount of time in their everyday life to someone else are going to need time to get re-accustomed to life without that person in it anymore.

It doesn't mean people can't still talk, care, be friends, grow to be different people than who they were. But for fuck's sake, let a little time to pass.

The Police - Don't Stand So Close To Me

How To Love

noreply@blogger.com (Mike) — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 19:57:00 +0000

with all the kiddies I know tying the knot this summer and fall...

1. Say it. When you say the words "I Love You," do they carry it with them the desire to show someone you love them or do they carry it with them is it what you want to feel? And when you say it make sure you really mean it and are willing to do anything for that special person.

2. Empathize. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. Rather than impose your own expectations or attempt to control them, try to understand how they feel, where they come from, and who they are; and realize how they could also love you back just as well.

3. Love unconditionally. If you cannot love another person without attaching stipulations, then it is not love at all, but deep-seated opportunism (one who makes the most of an advantage, often unmindful of others). If your interest is not in the other person as such, but rather in how that person can enhance your experience of life, then it is not unconditional. If you have no intention of improving that person’s life, or allowing that person to be themselves and accepting them as they are, and not who you want them to be, then you are not striving to love them unconditionally.

4. Expect nothing in return. That doesn't mean you should allow someone to mistreat or undervalue you. It means that giving love does not guarantee receiving love. Try loving just for loving's sake. Realize that someone may have a different way of showing his or her love for you; do not expect to be loved back in exactly the same way.

5. Realize it can be lost. If you realize that you can lose the one you love, then you have a greater appreciation of what you have. Think how lucky you are to have someone to love.

Protection

noreply@blogger.com (Mike) — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 20:25:00 +0000

So I currently am operating on no anti-virus software. Not the smartest of choices, but I make sure not to click on those pop-ups that phish your computer anymore!

Now I was working with AVG Free and 7.5 was a great build and I loved it dearly for being a free program and all. But they released 8.0 with all sorts of crap loaded into it that just bogs down the computer and keeps telling me that every online program I have is doing something wrong... so at wits end I had to get rid of it.

Now I'm not against paying money to keep my computer clean, but when I had my laptop it came with McAfee anti-virus and it was just terrible. So much so that when the old folks bought a new home PC for my brother I swooped in and pulled a switcheroo and took the Norton Antivirus Ware from there on out it's the only time I've paid for anti-virus, up until I built this thing January 07.

But I remember way back when, the KaZaa days of downloading countless South Park clips. Only to have my neighbor come pop in a Norton disc and have it tell me there's 26 viruses and 7 trojans on the hard drive. Awesome, so I can safely assume all my conversations and online activity was properly logged.

But yeah I can't count how many times in the span of 6 months he came down to remove crap from my computer. Finally he just bought me a copy of Norton so he could save the time it took to come remove it all from my computer.

Ahh those were the days, when I had no knowledge of computers. I knew they played video games, downloaded music, and became annoyingly slow after 3 months...

so as soon as my new ATM and Credit Cards get here (because my old ones expired this month) I'll be tossing Norton back on my computer.

And see how many viruses I can drag out of this thing. I think my personal record is in the low-30s. But hey, to get wise about these things you gotta make some mistakes!

Anyone else have any crazier stories than mine?

Thunder

noreply@blogger.com (Mike) — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 16:32:00 +0000

So it's been nothing but a chain of storm after storm the last oh, two weeks.

Don't get me wrong I love thunderstorms but the fact that while they're going on and I'm trying to write a post about it, but can't because the internet is deciding to cut out with each flash of lightning is just frustrating.

Especially considering some people that I know are on wireless... during a thunderstorm... and aren't having the problems I am.

So exnay on the Verizon servicenay.

But back to the topic at hand. Houston, Texas. Huge city, huge state. No recycling? People have only been putting bins at the bottom of their driveways on garbage day for decades now, and you're telling me a huge city like Houston only recycles 2% of it's trash. What a waste.

Where's the cries for saving the environment now? There's little enthusiasm and

there is little public support for the kind of effort it takes to sort glass, paper and plastics.

I'm sorry, are you kidding me?

We only have a gigantic illegal immigration problem in the country and you're telling me you can't pay $2/hour to a bunch of Mexicans (get it, cans) to get recycling?

What's even more ironical is that Waste Management, largest US recycling company, is HQed in Houston... where the least recycling goes on. I don't get it.

About 25,000 households are on the waiting list for the bins, but the city says it cannot afford more bins.

Afford more bins?! Go to Wal*Mart... buy a $2.99 bin, and put it at the end of the road...

Why is it that people are so reliant on the government for assistance and leadership and guidance? It's like people these days really do need big brother to hold their hand while crossing the street.

It's fucked up. It's sad. It should not be tolerated. Don't worry though, when I'm supreme dictator of the world, it'll be changed.

Anberlin - *Fin

Washing Away

noreply@blogger.com (Mike) — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 03:45:00 +0000

Tonight I stood outside. I embraced the rain, the wind, the light, the dark, the crashes and the rumbles. I embraced the feeling. One of the very few that I've been able to grasp that aren't of depression.

Instead, of anger. Feeling the hate the sky had for the Earth. The flickering confusing daytime with dark. Feeling the chime rolling over the hills and leaving their mark.

My phone has rung but it is never you. I sat and stared let these months pass me by. I've let the sadness seep in. It's time to move. Forward.

It's the only life I have. I've not made much of it but what good I did, I did for you and for me. I did it so you'd have a better life. Throwing that back to me, I thought it was something I had done wrong. But feeling responsible is something I've always taken too tough on myself. It wasn't until I grasped this fact that I was able to move past her.

Broken, wounded, damaged, hurt, crushed; words that have filled my notebooks and have impeded my thoughts. Curdled my nerves and destroyed my constitution. Knowing that I, the most honest person I could be, was lying to myself. But no more.

Love is a strong word and I'm sure I will never describe with it again. I will remember how oft I used it and hold my tongue from now on.

Anger for letting the sheet be pulled over my eyes. When I knew, before I met you, how this would end. How I fell into my own disillusionment and blind belief that I possessed something greater than being able to make myself happy.

You will not be the end to me, you will not shame me, you will not stop my life any longer. I lived a lie for a year. Thinking how your words would point direction while you shrugged and tethered into contradiction.

I volunteered to live that lie. I lived it so much I loved it. But today was the last day I hoped you'd call. No I will not be sending anything to 65 Buffalo Street with your name on it. You don't deserve the time that I have left to live, nor what I have left to give.

Thrice - The Earth Isn't Humming

Out of Curiosity

noreply@blogger.com (Mike) — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 18:44:00 +0000

I've never quite understood the whole Catholic religion.

I get parts of it, but most of it I don't I guess. I don't see god in anything anymore. Too many bad things happen to people for there to be a god. I don't know how some people tout that there is one and he deserves to be praised.

Too many people die for no reason.

But back to what's grinding my gears...

I've been in relationships, good, bad, and... terrible. Most of them bad and terrible though. I don't understand the "wait until I'm married to lose virginity" shtick.

I mean, I get that some girls just don't want to go tossing it out there (but even that's rare). But I don't understand how something that can make or break a relationship like that can be left to the point where you have to be married to find that out. It's already happened to me, that personality matches up with mine and our attitudes towards life, goals, dreams, etc. You'd think it'd make for a decent relationship, but we're just not sexually compatible.

It is a big part of a relationship isn't it? Isn't that half the reason infidelity exists? Because it just doesn't work in bed?

I don't know, I'm probably full of shit as usual. But I don't know how people can go through life with that attitude. It is a vital part to a relationship being successful over a long period of time.

Not too many people are patient in bed! Of course this is all speculation...

I just want someone to explain the thought process to me because in all honesty, I don't get it.

I can understand the believing in not wanting to complicated a relationship, I can comprehend you believe in some stupid rules god decided to set up for you but not the thirty other religions out there.

I'm just flabbergasted at the justification that the people I know who want to wait, just don't have...

Serafin - Day by Day

A JaG inspired post...

noreply@blogger.com (Mike) — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 23:05:00 +0000

Some things women should know about men:

Guys are more emotional then you think, if they loved you at one point, it'll take them a lot longer than you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they try.
(look how long it took J Lo to get married and then look at how long it took Affleck)

Guys may be flirting around all day, but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
(we can't help it if a girl is hot)

Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.
(making a girl happy is all we really want)

Guys will do anything just to get you to notice them.
(see here)

Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest.
(we get jealous)

Unless they're going for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are.
(one way ticket to the friend zone)

A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.
(that way the more we talk maybe we'll let something about how we like you slip)

Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.
(you want us to buy you flowers, we want to know you want us to buy you flowers)

Guys don't care how gorgeous you are, if you're rude, later.
(kindness doesn't kill)

Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?..uh...never mind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.

Girls are a guys weakness.
(it's true)

Guys are very open about themselves.
(men measure themselves by their girl, so without one, we don't have much to lose)

If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him.
(and don't ask about it, it only makes us more pissed off, you don't need to give advice)

A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
(yeah, we're still 11 splashing you in the pool)

Guys love you more than you love them.
(see above)

Guys use words like hot, cute, or sexy to describe girls. They rarely use beautiful or gorgeous. If a guy uses that, he loves you.
(beauty is not skin deep)

personality is key.
(beauty is not skin deep)

Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.
(you'll remind us that we're being 'sweet', while all our other friends are railing us for being whipped)

Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make a guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it means.
(we truly don't know how to figure out what you're thinking)

If a guy does something stupid in front of a girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.
(we ponder and hope like that)

If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.
(men are always nervous around women, no matter what)

When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.
(because we usually don't think about women, other than Jessica Biel)

When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."
(listen means just stick around and maybe after 20 minutes of silence we'll be ready to talk, don't push for it, we'll chat when we're good and ready)

If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him.
(not every day you get to cut through the sarcasm and fart jokes, it doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something is up)

When a guy tells you that you are beautiful, don't say you aren't. It makes them want to stop telling you because they don't want you to disagree with them.
(the reason why men don't buy women clothes is precisely this: we buy it too big, you assume we think you're fat; we buy it too small, you inexorably think you're fat. lose lose, so, no, we don't go shopping for that reason)

When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.
(either that or we like the sensation our eyes and pants are getting)

Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.
(some guys don't take kindly to a girl being impatient to asking them out, if you want us to so bad, just take the initiative and do it yourself)

Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.
(usually it's to inquire about the code we don't speak, or to brag about sex)

Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.
(there's a reason why the rubik's cube is so fun)

A guy would give up anything to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.
(but only if it led to sex)

No guy can handle all his problems on his own.
(but not one will admit it)

Guys love it when girls talk about them.
(especially when they tell you about it after)

Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it ..it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts.
(strip shows and proper lubrication usually relieves neck pain)

When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.
(or why else would we miss out on those dreams with Jessica Biel in them?)

Even if you dump a guy months ago and he loved you he probably still does.
(unless you're a whore, then we're just upset we didn't take advantage of inviting another girl in for a threesome)