Sep 8, 2008
Turn Another Page
I have things I wish I could explain to you. I wish you could understand them the way I want you to, but there are no words that I can attach to describe how I feel and how I've felt. But I did my very best to decide what you mean to me, not what you've meant to me. I owe you more than you'll ever realize. You were everything I wasn't and wanted to be. You mean more to me than a girl I kissed in the past, you were more than a person to me, you were an inspiration and I'll never be as good as you are. I'm not sad that I didn't talk to you anymore, I don't regret the decision, I regret not doing it sooner, not giving you the chance to wreck everything great I thought about you. True or not. I loved you for you and for everything you inspired within me. But you don't do that for me anymore, all I have is memory with you and you have nothing but the same with me. Though they may differ, that's the way it's going to stay because I don't want to be with you and I don't want you to mean anything less. You are the reason I am where I am and the fact that I'm going to be happy with where the next turn my life is going to take me in. It's going to be her arms, I don't want it any other way and I don't see/have a place for you in my life anymore. Nor do you for me. And I wouldn't want it any other way. I hope you find what you're looking for. |
Sep 7, 2008
Blah
| I've been feeling terrible as of late. It's not due to a lack of sleep though. I've probably slept more this weekend than I've been awake. If sleeping were a job I'm sure I'd be promoted soon. School's boring. I liked it better when it was hella busy and I had no free time. Now I have too much, memories start to creep back into my head and it's nothing I want to remember and I'd gladly pay to forget. It's entirely too bad you can't decide which memories a heavy night of drinking will erase. I feel like I don't want to be here. I'm going to start the audioblog on fridays for the semester. I don't know if I'm going to keep it as a staple or not. Depends on which asshole wants to make fun of my accent each week....... Oh, and still, nothing I ever do goes as smoothly as it should. |
Sep 4, 2008
Eerie Coincidence?
| That it just so happens that the Republican National Convention is on tonight. I'd really like to hear what McCain wants to do with the 4 years he'd be in office. I think he'd be much more capable and live up to true Republican beliefs unlike Bush-43. But then I'm reminded what he thinks on social issues and I see him challenging Roe V Wade and probably getting the senate into a hubbub when we have bigger fish to fry other than tweens making babies. Then there's a two hour episode of Burn Notice. Which is probably the best show on cable television everrr. I mean, who else can come up with such a cool spy television show? Michael Weston > James Bond. Then, last but not least, the NFL season kicks off with the defending Super Bowl Champion New York Giants taking on the Washington Redskins and I'm only too sure that I'm going to be leaving my night class early to catch kickoff. Because as soon as the class I TA for was over, the button down came off and the Manning Jersey came on. Which is weird in itself because I bought at Peyton Manning jersey in 2002 and now I have his little brother's jersey too. I only brought the Eli jersey as to not get labeled a phony or a band wagoner. I've loved the Giants since their "easily want to forget" days of Dan Reeves. I'm sure I'm boring you with all of this, but I bought some stuff online last night and I'm thinking about buying a new computer case because the one I have now just isn't cutting the heat that's in this room. My stuff is idling at close to 50 degrees, not cool. |
Sep 3, 2008
Pull You Closer
| It might just be the sappy Italian in me, but all I want is that feeling back. Like maybe there's something and someone out there that's going to make getting up and giving a shit not seem like a stretch of the imagination. But then again, I do recall what's come of every time I did feel that way. Yes, I have fear of abandonment. I went to kindergarten and I cried, it was just strange. I was scared, I don't know why, I had been going to a day care before that so it wasn't new seeing my mom drop me off and leave. But I cried anyway. I haven't let more than 2 people in my entire life get close to me. Into that area where I can tell them what I really think about life and where I've come from and the thoughts that have prolonged my existence. Both of those situations have turned out exactly the same. I feel that the person I've been able to confide in ever since the tragedy that was the end of my high school career is no longer a person who understands who I am or what I want to become. So I feel like the highway that is my head is closed down. I'm intolerant again. Not just of stupidity, but of the people that cry for help, the people that abuse, the people that use. Because that's all helping can really be, a vehicle to get used until you're not needed anymore. Anyway, all I want is to be happy again. I think I can be, for the first time ever I feel I deserve it. I do owe and am thankful for it. But then again I do recall how expecting life to be shitty and it turning out to be so would be more fun and expected so I could make the best of it. Now it just fucking sucks, like always, but now my perspective is different. And the people who look at it differently are still stupid, I'm still good at everything that I do. I'm still only right about people when it comes to the bad things. I can still make people laugh, whether it's at me or at life makes no real difference. A smile is a smile and it's worth giving someone a better day. But as I've said, there's no real way back in, I am not a forgiving person like that. You can cross me and I can let it go, but when you're in my head and don't like what you see, there's no forgiveness for that. You truly don't like who I am on the inside, then that is where you need to stand. Accountability for who you are and what you think is something that I only see out of maybe two or three people I've known in my life. Those are the people that I admire, those are the people that I want to associate myself with. The people who never have to say sorry, the people who say and do what they want, when they want to because that is the only real way to live life without regret. I'm not sure where I'm going with all this, but all I do know is that the paths to my head and heart is easily navigated when you're delivering pizza. |
Aug 31, 2008
So This Is My Habitat
For the past year and the next few months. Photoblog style, because it's really the only type of blogging I haven't really done. I know I've tossed photos in, but not like this. So here we go, keep clicking on the pictures until you wind up back here! Well, there you have it. It's my slice of pie until further notice... |
Aug 29, 2008
Flash Me Journalism
| No, it's not porn. I know, I'm disappointed too. But at least it's only a once a week class. Putting together flash projects for websites and blahdy blah. There's only 8 people in the class, so no sleeping/shenanigans. I'm bummed out too. I have an essay due Tuesday that I think I'm going to put off while I'm doing nothing this weekend. Maybe I'll sober up a little, have some coffee, take a few photos. Yeah that's it, I remember a time when there were photos on the blog... not so much anymore... I'll get on that then. And while all you fools are enjoying your Labor Day extended weekend, Monday, September 1: Labor Day (classes in session) So unfair. I wonder how many other state schools are in session. I can only guess it's in single digits across the nation. Keeping with the shittiness theme: I didn't go to my Advertising class today, why? Because we're done with a week of classes and the guy's still talking about the syllabus. Seriously, it's 3 pages, I'm pretty fucking sure that, as college students, all of us have the power of reading movable type. Then again... grading papers and coming across words like "telivision" and "polatitions" only makes that whole "pro-choice" argument seem smarter. P.S. Photo essay coming soon! |
Aug 27, 2008
Great Start
| So the semester's starting. My room's cramped, three beds, no bunk. But it should be fun, beer in the fridge, we're going to try and get permission to have a BBQ on the back deck. Let the beer flow like fine wine!! But what pisses me off, is that they don't even serve my favorite breakfast food anymore. Mango Rockstar. Jerkwads have every energy drink known to man in that store, except the one flavor I adore. Cocksuckers, I'm going to have to order it in bulk online and just store it under my bed. Anywho, my Media and Popular Culture class is going to turn me into a raving lunatic. The class talked about Hanna Montana for two grueling, head banging on wall, hours. I just sat there listening to the stupidity that spewed from peoples' gums and every time I raised my hand to interject a bit of common sense, the person talking before me would just say something so stupid that I lost my thoughts. I feel dumber for being in that class. My advertising class probably won't be half bad, because only about half of that Pop Culture class is in it. Which they still ended up talking about Hanna Montana again today while the long winded prof is trying to tell us what the class is going to be like. Yadda Yadda Yadda, it's gonna be a long hour class. Oh and there's this kid who wore a shirt on Monday with a bunch of Fender guitars on it. Stratocasters, Telecasters, Precision and Jazz Bass Guitars, I thought to myself, pretty sweet shirt. Though I wouldn't verbalize it to the guy, he needed a shower, a diet and a razor. Anywho, he came in wearing the same exact shit and I promptly moved myself away from what I can only assume is some 3+ days without a shower. I hope my audio class this year, though supposedly tougher, isn't going to be more work than it was last year. That coupled with the TV production class almost killed me last time around. How's things going on your end of the school spectrum? |
Aug 25, 2008
Aug 24, 2008
| Alys- Never. Drinking. Again. says: anyway ever since my parents upped my rent she's been harassing me to just move out, and while I'm thinking about it I'd like to be able to make that decision on my own and not have her harping on me constantly about it, saying things like "Q and I think..." or "so I was talking to Q about what's going on with you..." Michael | Back 2 School says: tell her you don't care what she thinks on the topic be honest Alys- Never. Drinking. Again. says: I have! on several occasions about different things I've told her that I don't appreciate her input, but she won't stfu Michael | Back 2 School says: lmao get a whiffle ball bat Alys- Never. Drinking. Again. says: haha I should Michael | Back 2 School says: line up her head like you're going to wail on her, reach back like you're to going hit her, and hit her upside the head until she either stops, or she's cross eyed Alys- Never. Drinking. Again. says: hehe Michael | Back 2 School says: i'd prefer cross eyed but that's me Alys- Never. Drinking. Again. says: she used to be cross-eyed as a kid Michael | Back 2 School says: OMG Alys- Never. Drinking. Again. says: she had to have special glasses that set her eyes straight Michael | Back 2 School says: BONUS POINTS Alys- Never. Drinking. Again. says: hahahahaha Michael | Back 2 School says: LOL Michael | Back 2 School says: OMG BLOG POSTING THIS Alys- Never. Drinking. Again. says: SWEET |
Aug 22, 2008
Roadtrippin'
| So this is probably the last post ever from the confines of the basement. I hope it is, but something will go horribly wrong to make sure that it's not. I was debating posting some photos, how I do every year whenever I get all my stuff packed up to show how desolate the surroundings really are. But I'd rather watch the grass grow right now. That and enjoy the internet not sucking. I'm going to cry if all the crap I put into my computer is for nothing because the school internet still blows. Which it will. I've debated not taking my bass with me, but I know as soon as I decide to leave it, there will be some hot opportunity to play in a band that I have to turn down because I don't have my shit. Then there's all the computer stuff, which, really, weighs a ton. Then the mini-fridge and my trunk full of wardrobe. I'm skimping out this year, I'm bringing my suits and the bunch of ties that I've since bought and learned how to tie correctly!! Thanks Shaz, if it wasn't for your constant ridicule I wouldn't be the suave, professional looking executive success that I am now. But anywho, I've spent some $100 on computer parts that don't work with the stuff I have. The first one was my bad, the second, is just, fuck them. The thing's incompatible because it's made by a different company. Those Mac vs PC commercials are kicking me in the groin right now. But I still contend that my computer beats the snot out of any Mac performance wise, coolness to stare at wise and expense wise as well. So, if I make it back to school without killing the old folks on the way up (or the roommates because I am NOT getting top bunk again) I'll probably take the camera out for a walk and get some photos of how gorgeous the Saranac River is this time of year. Love, Mike |